My wife Shonda and I just finished a long walk together with the dog in tow, or towing us on occasion, anchoring us on others. Husband and wife time conversing about life together. One of the things we revisited is her reactions to my reactions.
They happen, reactions that is. Based on your personality type and numerous other developmental factors; as well as environmental considerations - you and I are wired to react to life events in certain ways. My immediate reactions when I'm in the safety and shelter of my own home, or secure among life long friends who have seen me through all my hypocrisy and still choose to love me, are less restricted than say, if I'm standing in front of my boss or a customer or in the middle of a public place surrounded by strangers. Well my boss probably falls in the less restrictive category actually, I've been known to use our relationship as a safe harbor more often than not.
Reactions happen like a plate hitting the floor if you let go, but extroverts and introverts display different outward signs and have somewhat different internal dialogues about the events. We process them differently. The results of whether the plate shatters or survives might be part of that analogy as well, I shatter china plates and reach for the gravy urn next, my wife tends to drop Corelle plates which 'thud' and wobble and almost never break against the linoleum. An extroverted highly reactive personality such as mine is described by those who study these things as a "reactor" personality - a volcano which erupts and then subsides when the pressure is vented. I'd tell you what the more introverted side of that personality scale is if I could recall - but I can't recall it - and I find that very revealing about myself. I'm so fascinated and convicted with my own lava flow I never internalized the other side of the matrix during the philosophy classes where we went through these things. Matter of fact I don't recall the rest of the matrix factors either, remembering the relief at a glimpse of understanding myself, and the immediate conviction of what lava does to those in its path - I vaguely remember zoning out for a significant portion of that class time the day we had that discussion. I'm likely to end up out in the garage tonight pulling my Asbury College binder for Philosophy 101 just to put to death this nagging failure of selfishness. Then again... that's an awful lot like work.
All of that to say this: my wife often cringes at my initial reactions to things, and does things that only introverts do with their reactions. I'd give some analogy but it would be internalized with negative connotations most likely and then I'd be on the couch not sleeping well... after she says I need to be more analogy driven in my explanations. I'm not falling for that this time...
So in our conversation today I pointed out that often she stays metaphorically cramped up in a cringing position waiting for a blow that never comes. I react (or coworkers, peers, subordinates, friends, bosses react) about a situation (not even AT her or ABOUT her), just AT a situation while she's nearby and she reacts in her own way with its own results.
I can't speak to everyone else's actions, but I react, I process, I act constructively, and then I abide. But the abiding isn't dramatic, and therefore much less noticeable. Being irritable and disgruntled the morning I pay bills is what sticks in her mind, abiding in the peace of knowing all our needs have been met and that we have enough doesn't even cross her radar. The pruning I experience in not being able to provide all our wants - that flies completely below the coverage level of radar. None of this is really about her or me or the way we process, it's about the work God is quietly trying to do in our lives and in the spheres of this life with which we intersect.
Jesus said in John 15 that we should "abide" in Him as the true vine. No drama. But fruitful. Matter of fact, He says it's the only way to bear fruit. He says that part of that process is likely going to involve pruning to clear out the dead branches and enable the vine to support fruitful production. Abiding. So do I need to react less and abide more, probably. Is this conversation while we walk the dog today part of God's pruning process, probably. Without condemnation toward my wife or myself I am able to say with Paul:
...by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain...
1Corinthians15:10
So while our culture sets the television programming in the emergency department waiting room to Jerry Springer, we're called to abide. But it's just not as entertaining or noticeable, so regardless of our personality type we are likely to hang around in disbelief or a stubborn refusal to leave, even after the janitor walks by and turns off the television and makes it clear that Jerry Springer has left the building.
