I'd Like to be "Nice", but I Hate People

"Be angry, and do not sin..."

Psalm 4:4

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth... grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."

John 1:14, 17

"Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation... Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God."

2Corinthians5:18, 20

"till we all come... to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but speak the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head - Christ..."

Ephesians 4:13-15

"If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men."
Romans 12:18

I have a friend, Corey Johnson,  who helped me resolve something in my life a while back.  I have a little saying I utter during my harder moments in daily life.  "I HATE PEOPLE..." (sometimes entire explanatory rants get tied onto the opening phrase, other times the phrase itself is enough).  Now anyone who knows me personally knows that me hating people is not true, you can't spend a day with me without seeing contrary evidence.  Corey knows me fairly well after working with me daily for about nine months as I mentored him in fabricating gas line systems for our employer.  We also share the Christian faith and the more important portion of my mentorship with my young brother was showing Corey how I live out Colossians 3:23-24 daily.  Few of us ever get this depth of opportunity to either "show the goods" or be "exposed as a fraud."  Well with me, what you see is pretty much what you get 24/7/365.  So I was wrestling with my own statement "I hate people."  How can I "hate" people when Jesus died for us when we didn't deserve it... that was love... and John 3:16... so on and so forth the internal dialogue would start up like a spinning top that wouldn't gutter out and wind down.

So when I posted on Facebook, quite a while back now, that I was having a string of "I hate people" kind of days it was Corey who called me on it publicly "Blaze you don't hate people, you actually love them and they don't know what to do with that."  That was the key to unlocking my door of confusion.  See, what gets me fired up is watching people live in dysfunction and brokenness instead of righteousness and reconciliation.  That's what I hate, brokenness.  In whole this fallen world and the myriad effects that sin has twisted our lives into becoming.  I got sick and tired of my ways and turned my life over to Jesus a long time ago - I live striving to cooperate with Him now and allowing Holy Spirit to transform me, renew me, and to love others through that lens instead.  But broken dysfunction confronts us everyday doesn't it?  It confronts us on a hundred fronts from blatant to subtle.  The evidence of my life contradicts the statement itself, which means whatever truth is in that statement has to be buried deeper.  What Corey helped me see is that me saying "I hate people..." is actually my way of sorting things out, acknowledging my fleshly reaction and then inventorying it to bring it into a healthy place. I learn from the interaction and noodle on how to bring that situation or relationship into reconciliation with what God intends it to be.  And this, quite frankly is love in action, disguised as cantankerousness.  I'm a grumpy old man, at least on the surface.

This is one side of the coin that I've been looking at today.

The other side of the coin is being "NICE" which was brought up by another brother in Christ, Jody Midgley, via Facebook this morning.  This man has an artistic eye with photography and a heart turned toward God that brings comfort and inspiration to thousands of people.  He is an example of living faith and a person who I could never imagine uttering "I HATE PEOPLE..."  Jody posted the following:

Recently I heard someone say they are, “tired of being nice”. This really got my thinking. What exactly does that mean? Does it mean they are going to be unpleasant? Unkind? Mean? Retaliatory? Bitter? Angry? Vindictive? Hard hearted?

By definitions, the word nice means: pleasing; agreeable; delightful. amiably pleasant; kind. Amiable - 1. having or showing pleasant, good-natured personal qualities; affable: an amiable disposition. 2. friendly; sociable: an amiable greeting; an amiable gathering.
3. agreeable; willing to accept the wishes, decisions, or suggestions of another or others.
4. Obsolete . lovable or lovely.

It is true that in many cases, people say this and it is temporary. They have a quick change of heart and realize that is not where they desire to head. But in other cases, words like that have a way of creating long lasting bitterness leading to a cold heart. I am certain that at one time in my life I have likely uttered words like that. Whether temporary or lengthy, those are words to repent of and rebuke out of my life.

Christ was nice. In fact, here, the purest form of nice was displayed by the Son of the Most High God. That form of nice I believe is called compassion! It loves, forgives, speaks the truth even if it may sting a little. The niceness of the risen Savior is our example! In His great compassion, He kept it to the point of death on a tree. But instead of that compassion staying dead, the Son rose to life by the power of God, defeating the enemy, defeating death, defeating sin, defeating ANYTHING that is opposed to the God of Creation!

All it takes is one person that we decide to not be nice to and we have sinned. Period. Oh, that we would be constantly reminded of this. The enemy of our souls will sneak that in. I have seen it work devastation in peoples lives. But we CAN OVERCOME! Those in CHRIST OVERCOME! We must remember that we are to be like the Son, expressing that compassion. Things may be tough but we can still be nice. Let us life up a prayer for others struggling with this. Let us show genuine compassion for souls!

Thought for the moment.

And while there are some points of agreement between us to be certain, here was my response:
 

Bear with me a minute here - this conversation has some linguistic nuances that can cause key misunderstandings 

One key thing would be that "niceness" is in the eye of the beholder.  To a thief it would be "nice" of me to leave my valuables unlocked, unguarded, openly displayed if possible - perhaps the key in my ignition so he/she could catch a ride.  To me his desire to steal my stuff is a multi-layered moral boundary violation that is anything but "nice."  To the men going into the strip club with the guys after work, it would be "nice" if you would keep it to yourself that you saw them and clearly recognized each other as you were driving by.   Revealing the truth would not be "nice" from their perspective, while not revealing the truth may be torture for you.  The alcoholic or drug addict thinks it would be "nice" of me to continue paying their bills so they and/or their family can avoid the harsh consequences of their wicked behavior - matter of fact if they got some Church in 'em they'll be happy to demonstrate soundly how it's my Christian duty to be "nice" and help them with their burdens.  You can see my point here. 

Today I'm living my life on a different plane, which is what Jesus did. I'm less worried about being "nice" than I am the eternal disposition of peoples souls and the temporal consequences of their actions.  Not being nice is part of what got Jesus crucified.  His glorious light reveals the darkness of my (our) souls and without historically having been there, it was our petty hurts and bitternesses, our apathetic ignorances of, and angers at God that flogged him for a standard we couldn't live up to, it was our mocking attitudes that formed the crown of thorns and pushed it down with cruelty so that it wouldn't fall off, it was our voices which called out "release Barabbas and crucify Him", and it was our hands that held Him down and drove the nails, and then stood the whole assembly up and dropped it cruelly into the hole and wedged it in so that we could display His punishment.  It was me that crucified my Lord and Savior, and yet He went willingly declaring that I was worth the price.  And that grace brings me to my knees weeping... and prostrate at the foot of the Cross when I'm wracked with exhaustion and can weep no more.  IMHO that's the confusion we face here today - confusing grace for niceness.  Grace desires a final reconciliation with God, niceness desires peace at any cost.

Jesus was full of grace and truth (John 1:14,17) - not "niceness".  When Jesus showed up preaching "REPENT" He wasn't being "nice" (IMHO) He was saying: "your ways are wrong and you know it and you live in the middle of the one nation God Himself singled out to be His heralds.  You were meant to draw ALL nations to walking in the full knowledge of the Living God.  Straighten your act up or you are going to face righteous judgment and hellfire."  When Jesus faced down the religiously serious folks he called them things like "brood of vipers; children of their father the devil; blind leaders of the blind..."  'Them's fightin' words' as the most country among us would say.  And that was Jesus's point, we are fighting an active spiritual battle, something the apostles belabored throughout the epistles, because they learned it with clarity from the Master.

Now yes, Jesus was known as a friend of sinners, did some pretty legalistically and ritualistically unacceptable things that enamored him to the downtrodden.  He could have healed a leper with a word, and yet He reached out and touched him - showing that when grace and truth are in full force that righteousness becomes contagious, rather than unrighteousness defiling Him.  Leaving us an example and a constant mystery of how we can possibly touch the lepers in our lives.  

What the modern church seems to do is fall into one of two categories: either so grace leaning that we essentially abdicate our stewardship of truth, or so truth leaning that we cannot give grace which leads to reconciliation.  Grace leaners are almost always "super nice".  Truth leaners are almost always legalistic and harsh.  Someone full of grace and truth can call a "spade a spade" and yet maintain a relationship with the person they just called out for unacceptable behavior.  Which brings us around to where you started my friend.

The person you heard saying they were "tired of being nice" most likely finally realized that someone in their life had repeatedly violated their reasonable moral boundary.  For the sake of clarity in these next sentences I'm going to give the "tired of being nice" person the name MEANY and their opponent the name JERK.  MEANY is striving for a healthy way to enforce a healthy boundary and thereby force JERK to take personal responsibility for themselves and their actions while simultaneously protecting innocent victims, not the least of which is MEANY themselves.  When MEANY achieves that illusive balance in their relationship with JERK there can be the opportunity for reconciliation, until then JERK may experience some gnashing of their teeth because the doormat isn't there to walk on any more.

In theological terminology MEANY (whether they realize it or not) is attempting to be a minister of reconciliation.  JERK needs to repent, confess with their mouth that they have sinned against MEANY, and ask forgiveness.  MEANY is then safely released to extend grace and reconcile that relationship - which should naturally lead to sharing the Gospel with JERK and reconciling JERK's eternity with God.  And with more of these grace and truth filled interactions in daily lives we would end up surrounded by a "nicer" world as the "peace" we were striving for in our efforts to be "nice" shows up in the only way it truly can - as a fruit of the Spirit working through a soul eternally reconciled to God.

Beloved, let's grow up into Christ and realize that we can't always be "nice," but we can always love others - and that quite frankly it's a battle that will necessitate drawn swords to defend the lives of the widows and orphans and innocents.  Let me close with some observations on "Just War" from a theological scholar of greater qualifications than myself:

...the Biblical authors were realistic, not idealistic, about the nature of man.  As you read the record of man's inhumanity to man described in the pages of Scripture, you must come to the conclusion that man is sinful, violent, and selfish.  Nothing will ever change this fact until Christ returns.  Until then, there will be rape, murder, theft, and war.  Until then, nations will fight nations over real estate, wealth, and energy resources.  Governments will have to use force in order to keep violent criminals in place.  Moral persuasion will not work as long as evil men walk on the earth.

...let us be thankful that God does not sit idly by while Satan violently destroys the innocent.  God's angelic armies do not use the techniques of nonresistance in their fight against Satan.  Instead, God's army will forcefully cast them out of heaven at the final battle.  If pacifism does not work in heaven, neither will it work on earth.

Robert A. Morey - "When is it Right to Fight?"  (c)1985

The coin I've been looking at today is RECONCILIATION.  We are called to be ministers of reconciliation, all of us who accept Christ as our Lord and Savior have that calling.  That may mean we can't be "nice" but must instead meet the enemy on their chosen battlefield where we begin by speaking the truth in love and realize that we are only responsible for our part, that reconciliation and peace may not be possible because of decisions the other person makes.